My new life.

I thought I'd write in english. Is that okay with you? I discovered that people still read my blog, although I don't even post. Who are you people and what are you looking for? Creeps. I have to write about everything. If I don't, I might forget. I graduated. And as I thought, I haven't talked to my classmates at all. It's sad. It's really fucking sad. I miss them, I miss school. The very next day after my graduation, I went to work. I've been working ever since. It's tiring, I don't feel like I have any free time. I found love in a completely hopeless place. I found someone who actually loves me back. Feels weird. That's it. Ma ei oska siia isegi midagi kirjutada enam. Peaks tihemini siin end tühjendamas käima. Ma hoian view countil silma peal. Eks näis.

Sad sad sad.

Pidin juba enne postitama endale mälestuseks meenutuse ühest toredast koolipäevast, et hiljem oleks mida lugeda ja mõelda, et kooli ajal oli elu ikka nii kerge.
Tegemist oli nimelt seljapäevase päevaga, mil meil oli ainult erialatunde.
Taavi või keegi meisterdas valmis pudeli korgiosast ja kummikunda sõrmest mingit sorti hetieaparaadi ning trollis Supermariot sellega. Hiljem avastasime, et kuna aega niikuinii on küllaga tühja passida, võiks hoopis tahvlist teha märklaua ning selle aparatuuriga kriiditükke sinnapoole pilduda. Minu märk jäi maha tahvli piirdest väljas kahjuks. Kui see ei sobinud, siis sai maalriteibist tehtud palli ja väikese harjaga mängida pesapalli või pikema varrega harjaga odaviset. Lisaks kõndis koridoris meist mööda terve kari häboteid, kellest ühel oli selline kampsul, millel selja peal kaks suur psühhosilma. Stiilipunktid, stiilipunktid. Kuigi pean tunnistama, et ei suutnud Antoniga naermata jätta.
Vahetunnis sai istuda ja kuulata head korea mussi Leilaga. Ning laulda ja tantsida.
Plaatimistundide alates saime teada, et tund toimub T-6s ning vaatame õpetlikku filmi plaatimisest ja hüdroisolatsioonist. No tore. Istusime kõige taha ning esimesed 10 minutit suutsime vaikselt olla, kuni Andero ja Priit hakkasid sitta tootma. Toppisid oma jalgu laua peale ja laua alla, teesklesid norskamist ning lõpuks hakkasid Getter Jaanit laulma. Kui sellest ei piisanud, lasi Andero telefonist mingit uut Getteri laulu ning väitis, et telefonis olev mälukaart on ta ema oma, sest see oli otsast ääreni Getterit täis. Lõpuks ütles õpetaja, et me võime ka lahkuda, kuna tegime tagapingis võrdlemisi palju häält. Kõik tõusid rõõmsalt püsti kuni õpetaja ütles, et paneb meid puudujateks kirja. Savi, lahkusime ikkagi. Ukse taga sai Getteri laul ka ära kuulatud.

Kokkuvõte.
Kool on lõppemas ja mul on selline kurbus juba rinda pugemas, ei taha et see kõik niipea ära lõppeks. Kuid GOMAWO/THANK YOU/SPASIBA/ARIGATO/AITÄH klassivennad selle päeva eest. Pohhui, kui peale seda enam midagi sellist ei tule, sain vähemalt mälestustesse ühe täiesti jänki koolipäeva täis lollitamist ja naeru.
Nuukspuuks, palun tehke nii, et saaksime kõik koos lõpetada. <3

Siis kui igav on. Rasvased kehtivad minu kohta.

I am a male.
I am a girl.
I am shorter than 5’4.
I think I’m ugly sometimes.
I have scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I’ve had braces.
I wear glasses.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercing in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve run away from home.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I have a sibling less than six year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I’ve lost a child.
I’m in school.
I have a job.
I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
I almost always do/did my homework.
I’ve missed a week or more of school.
I failed more than 1 class last year.
I’ve stolen something from my job.
I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve peed from laughing.
I’ve snorted while laughing
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.
I’ve had measles.
I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Canada
I’ve been to Mexico
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I’ve been to Europe.
I’ve been to Africa.
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken fight.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve eaten sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.
I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.
I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve snuck out of my house.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve been suspended from school.
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.
I’ve consumed alcohol.
I regularly drink.
I’ve passed out from drinking.
I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
I’ve smoked weed.
I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
I’ve eaten shrooms.
I’ve popped E.
I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
I’ve done hard drugs.
I have cough drops when I’m not sick.

I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.

I have at one stage in my life been diagnosed with depression

I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.

I’ve had a disorder no one has believed me about

I shut others out when I’m depressed.

I take anti-depressants.
I have had EDNOS, Anorexia nervosa or bulima
I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
I’ve woken up crying.
I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone dying.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.
I’ve planned my own suicide.
I’ve attempted suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Hot Topic.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I collect comic books.

Happy.

Ma ise küll seda ei mäleta aga mu ema rääkis, et eile kui ma väga purjus peaga koju tulin, olin ma väga õnnelik ja sõbralik. Kindlasti oli mul selleks põhjus ka, kuid...
Kõik kohad on katki. Tahaks teada, kuidas see juhtus. Käed on katki ja värisevad. Põlv on katki ja teksad vist ka. Ema mainis midagi. Mainis ka seda, et oli pidevalt mulle helistanud ja lootis et ma kodutee ikka üles leian. Sorry, emps. Seekord läks liiale.
Apelsinimahl. Pohmakaga väga hea ja turgutab ka kenasti.
Ja nüüd ma unistan juba tema unest... Ei busted. Kuigi enda oma samal ajal kummitab peas. Väga imelik uni oli. Ma võin kindlalt öelda, et see oli minu sünnipäev, aga seda pidaskeegi teine. Ta tundus nii tuttav, ma olen kindel, et kuidagi ma teda tean... Ta oli saatnud laiali kümneid sadu ma ei tea, kui palju kutseid aga tema suuuuur valgete seintega maja oli põhimõtteliselt tühi. Veidi närviliselt tammus ta toas ringi ja järsku venis naeratus ta näole ja ta ütles, et kolm naabrit tulevad. Ta aknast nägi. Kolm naabrimutti. Ja ta oli nii õnnelik. Mis see tähendab? See meenutab mu eelmise aasta sünnipäeva... Võib-olla tahab uni mulle öelda, et ma ei lähe tegelikult inimestele korda. Ja sellest pole hullu. Mul on omad inimesed, kelles ma ei kahtle ja ma olen kuradima õnnelik, et mul nad on.
Aitab vist oma aju piinamisest, ma unistan ta und edasi.

Mis toimub?

Ühe kaasblogija postitus pani mind ennast mõtlema, et äkki tuleks end siin taas välja elada. Siin on hea see, et kui keegi loeb, siis keegi keda kotib. Pole vaja mingit pealesurumist.
Mõtlema pani mind see, mis ma avastasin endaga toimuvat. Tahaks kedagi õnnelikuks teha. Tahaks jälle panustada oma aega heal eesmärgil. Teha rõõmustavaid üllatusi ja meelde jätta väikseid pisiasju. Hoolitseda ja olla kindel, et kõik on korras ja hea. Ma saaksin seda kui ma vaid ei kardaks. Kardan olla pealetükkiv ja ületada piire. Tahaks minna ta maja ette vitamiinirohke hommikusöögiga, teha pai (see oleks kahjuks võimatu, ei tahaks ta kena soengut sassi ajada) ja rääkida tühjast tähjast. Aidata tal õppida ja kuulata ta laulusoovitusi. Kuulata ta põnevaid jutte elavhõbedast tuunikalas ja soovida häid unenägusid. Tahaks, et ta oleks kogu aeg õnnelik. Kogu aeg. Olen juba nii mitu päeva sellest mõelnud. Olen mõelnud, et mida tal oleks vaja ja kuidas ma saaksin seda teostada. Ja miks ma üldse mõtlen kui ei saa midagi neist teostada? Kui ta vaid laseks... Ma loodan, et ta seda ei loe. Muidu tunneb end tekstis ära ja hakkab minust üldse eemale hoidma. Kuigi tahaks, tahaks, niiii väga tahaks.

Nohik skeiter.

--DRAMA DORK--
[x] Ever been in a play?
[ ] More than 10 Broadway shows?
[x] Have you ever been/Are you in school shows?
[ ] Does your current job involve theater in some way?
[ ] Want to end up working in/for theater
[ ] Can you recite all of the lyrics to your favorite play/musical?
[x] Do you break out into random songs
Total [3]

--REDNECK--
[ ] Do you have a couch in your front yard or porch?
[ ] Have you driven a four-wheeler?
[ ] Do you ride four-wheelers?
[ ] Do you like to get dirty in mud?
[ ] Do you like country music?
[ ] Do you have a broken car in your backyard?
[ ] Do you own a cowboy hat?
[ ] Do you live on more then 1 acres?
[ ] Do you have more then 4 different animals at your home?
Total [1]

--GOTH--
[x] Do you wear black eyeliner?
[x] Is most of your clothing dark?
[ ] Do you think about death?
[ ] Do you want to die?
[ ] Are you a social outcast?
[ ] Are you a pessimist?
[ ] Do you like Hot Topic?
[ ] Do you enjoy Tim Burton movies?
[x] Are you mean sometimes?
Tot0al [3]

--SKATER/PUNK--
[ ] Can you skateboard?
[ ] Do you wear Vans?
[x] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?
[x] Do you watch the x-games?
[x] Do you have any piercing's?
[x] Do you like/wear a mohawk?
[ ] Do you sometimes wear Band T-shirts?
[x] Have you called someone a poser recently?
Total [5]

--PREP--
[x] Do you say the word "like"?
[ ] Do you shop at Hollister/Abercrombie & Fitch/Aero?
[ ] Do the people in Hot topic scare you?
[ ] Do u like Seth Cohen?
[ ] Do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?
[x] Do you like pop music?
[ ] Do you want/have a small dog?
[ ] Do you buy clothing with pre made holes in them
Total [2]

--HIPPIE--
[ ] Do you own a tye-dye shirt?
[x] Do You want to save the animals?
[x] Do you think war is unnecessary?
[ ] Do you like classic rock and trippy music?
[ ] Have you ever participated in a protest?
[ ] Have you ever been overcome with a desire to hug a tree?
[x] have you ever smoked pot?
[ ] Have u ever done halucenagenic drugs
[ ] Do you own posters/stickers/ other items with "hippie" bands on them
Total [3]

--GANGSTA--
[ ] Do you act ghetto?
[ ] Do you wear do-rags?
[x] Do you like hip-hop?
[ ] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?
[ ] Do you believe he's alive?
[x] Do you like afro's?
[ ] Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?
[x] Do you own any Baby Phat or G-Unit?
Total [3]

--EMO--
[ ] Do you cry often?
[x] Do you wear hoodies?
[x] Do you like soft music?
[ ] Do people not understand you?
[ ] Do you write your own poems?
[x] Ever dyed your hair red, black or dark?
[ ] Do you cut your own hair?
[ ] Are you lonely?
[ ] Is "Ohio Is for lovers" by Hawthorne Heights a good song?
Total [3]

--SURFER--
[ ] Do you surf?
[ ] Do you wear flip flops year-round?
[ ] Is your hair shaggy?
[ ] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?
[ ] Do you own Many pairs of shorts?
[ ] Do you yearn for the smell of salt water?
[x] Do you want to be at the beach right now?
[ ] Do you hate tourists?
Total [1]

--GEEK--
[x] Do you wear glasses?
[ ] Do you use an inhaler?
[ ] Do you stick pens and calculators in your pockets?
[ ] Does your mom pick out your clothes?
[x] Are you on the computer often?
[x] Do you ever get picked on?
[x] Do you look forward to goin to school?
[ ] Are you shy around the opposite sex?
[x] Do you play video games?
Total [5]

Huvitav test.

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Kõik on lihtsalt nii sassis.